we have pet lesbian snakes
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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