went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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