so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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