Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
