Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
