Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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