They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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