I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
