I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
