I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
