When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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