You can't motorboat a personality
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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