We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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