Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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