mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
