At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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