Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
