I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
