i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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