I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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