he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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