R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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