My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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