I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
