i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
