just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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