I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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