Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
