I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
