so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
