Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
