Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
