I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
