if you like me you must not know who I am
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
