We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
