in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
