so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
