Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
