he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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