Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
