The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
