Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
