Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she smelled like a LAN party
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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