yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
