Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
