Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
