My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
