I wish you could order shots online.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
