Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
