is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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