Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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