i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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