My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
