If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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