they need to just BURY HIM!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
