I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
