Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
