didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
