I haven't been this sober since birth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
