if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
