i don't like sucking hair
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
