You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
