Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
