Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
