Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
