Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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