This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
