Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
