see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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