I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
