I only kidnapped one of them. chill
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
