Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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