speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
MIDGETS
????
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
