Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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