I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
