we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
