In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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